Killing Me Softly
by Emeronis
Summary: Lucas has a meeting with himself. *Warning: ELF*
1. With His Song

The mirror was cracked and the glass was everywhere. Lucas smiled at the mess as he sat down on the floor. His head was cut and bleeding into his eyes. He was fighting with himself again. Too bad the angry side won.  
  
"Happiness: emotions experienced when in a state of well-being." Lucas laughed and turned his head to the side, "Sadness: The state of being depressed." He punched the wall, "I'm a walking dictionary! I'm a fucking dictionary with a dick!" And then the other spoke to him. The other him, the calm, hateful asshole spoke.  
  
'Oh yeah, everyone hates you. Everyone wants you to fail so they can bitch and moan about it. They like to see you fuck up, just so they can feel a little smarter than they are. You're intelligent boy, yep, you've got them all beat. You're even cute, but no one wants cute and intelligent. You're cursed, you know it's true. From the second you were born everyone hated you. At least your parents didn't pretend you meant anything to them. Ha. You're so fucked up. You try and you try and you try to be loved, when you're nothing. Nothing. Your name should be Lucas Nothing. You don't even matter, if you die they will just find someone else to take your place. Move on, he's just dead.'  
  
"No!" he pulled at the greasy hair on his head, "No, no, no, no, no."  
  
The blood from the cuts was everywhere. Lucas had decided to doodle on his arms and legs with a piece of glass. He carved hearts and stars and zig- zags all over himself. It was a game: "How much blood can I lose?"  
  
'Look at that puddle of blood. It looks like a fish, a big red fish with no eyes. No eyes, at least it can't see you. You shouldn't have eyes either. Your hair is falling in your face again. Pull it out. That's it, all of it. Rip it out of your head, make your scalp bleed. You can't feel it though can you? Numb, you're just numb all over aren't you? Didn't even feel the glass cut your head as you smashed the mirror did you? You moron. Just bleed to death already and die. That's right, hit your nose on the ground. You broke it! Good. See the blood running out of it? You're dizzy aren't you? No shit you are. You must have lost most of your blood there on the floor. Yeah, laugh it up you idiot. It's funny isn't it? Broken noses are fun to have. Go ahead, you're tired, close your eyes. Sleep Lucas. You want to sleep don't you?'  
  
"Shut up! Leave me alone you son of a bitch!" Lucas stood up and shook his head, "You're doing this aren't you? I wouldn't let you control me now you want me dead."  
  
The blood from his nose was pouring like a faucet, he cupped his hands and gathered it. So red, almost black. He had to bleed the other out, he had to pour it out of his soul.  
  
'You idiot. You really think you can get rid of me by bleeding to death? And you're suppose to be a what? Genius? Just die now. Just close your eyes and fall asleep. Nothing will bother you ever again. Not even me."  
  
Lucas sat on the floor again and laid in the glass, "Ok- ok.. I just want to get away from here. Just let me fly away- I want to see the stars again, one more time. Please?" 


	2. Telling my Whole Life

When he woke up, before he even opened his eyes, he could feel it. He felt the pain on the dozens on cuts and bruises all over his body. His scalp hurt, he could feel the pain like little pinpricks covering his skull like a hat. He thought it was a dream, but it was real, it was real.  
  
He tried to breathe through his nose, and pain shot through his face. He jerked his head up and opened his eyes. The room was trashed, glass was everywhere. The blood was everywhere. He looked to where he had been lying down and found a great pool of blood still glistening. He was covered with it, and he knew he had almost bled to death. He wanted to. But the voice in his head was quiet; the mean voice inside of him had ceased speaking.  
  
When he stood up a great wave of dizziness came over him, and he almost fell. Grasping the wall, he made his way to the bathroom and peered at the boy in the mirror. At least he thought it was a boy. His hair was gone in great patches all over his head, and his nose and eyes were black and blue. He hadn't even realized his eyes were swollen. Tiny cuts covered his face, and a large gash marred his forehead. The doodles on his arms and legs burned and ached, and he could feel the dull pain of a migraine starting.  
  
He was amazed that no one came by as he walked to Med. Bay. And when he reached his destination, Darwin was the first to notice him.  
  
"Lucas hurt?"  
  
"Yes Darwin."  
  
"Who hurt Lucas?"  
  
It wasn't until after this exchange of words that Westphalen came running to his side.  
  
"Lucas! What happened? Who did this to you?"  
  
"I did it." He said weakly, then smiled, "I was in a bad mood."  
  
Apparently she didn't find him as amusing as he found himself. She quietly led him to a bed and had him lay down. After a few minutes she asked him if he would mind stripping down to his boxers to clean his cuts. He did so, very slowly pulling off the heavy blue jeans and blood-soaked T- shirt. He felt better without them on and lay back down.  
  
Lucas knew she was trying not to question him severely as she gently washed and binded his scalp with gauze. Yet, while she cleaned the cuts on his face she could hold back no more.  
  
"What-How did you do this?" she asked slowly, not taking her eyes off of the cut she was attending to.  
  
"You mean what instrument did I use?"  
  
"Yes." her eyes still stayed fixed away from his eyes, as if she were afraid to look.  
  
"Glass. If you go look in my room." he smiled  
  
"I don't see what's so funny about this Lucas. Do you realize what you've done?"  
  
"Set my looks back a couple of knotches?" he chuckled for a second before wincing in pain.  
  
She looked at his nose for a moment and gingerly, touched the sides. Lucas couldn't help the little yelp he let out at the contact.  
  
"Oh dear." Westphalen sighed before she gently lay a surprisingly light, cold compress onto it.  
  
After pulling pieces of glass out and cleaning the other cuts, she sat back in her chair. To Lucas's surprise, she had not sent for Bridger or any other crewmember.  
  
"Your nose is broken. I can tell that much. Your hair will grow back, it will take some time, your scalp has to heal. As for the cuts. You'll have to have stitches or they'll take forever to heal. Some of them were very deep Lucas."  
  
"My head hurts." he said softly  
  
"I should imagine so. Have you seen your face?" Westphalen asked, a hint of anger in her voice.  
  
Lucas took this as a sign that she was quickly losing her patience. He kept quiet when she stitched up the doodles he had so lovingly carved into his flesh. When she finished with the messy ordeal, she quickly left. After ten minutes she returned, carrying a tray of Navy-brand food.  
  
"Eat. You've lost a lot of blood. It's a miracle you survived at all.." She set the tray on his lap and stood back as if she were a painter examining her work, "Well.. Eat it."  
  
Lucas smiled and dipped his fork into the "mashed potatoes" and placed the fork in his mouth. Westphalen didn't move from her spot until he had eaten every bite.  
  
"See? Now isn't that better?" she asked as she picked the tray from his lap.  
  
"Yeah, not only does my entire body hurt, but my stomach feels like it's going to explode." he smiled and closed his eyes, she said something but Lucas didn't hear it. He faded into dreams.  
  
"You should see him Nathan, he doesn't even look human." Katherine sighed  
  
"Is he going to be alright?"  
  
Bridger looked tired and beaten as they sat in the mess hall. No one was around to hear them talk, and Bridger was grateful for that.  
  
"He's going to be deformed. His body will always carry those scars. Thankfully, the cuts on his face and head are minor and even the biggest ones will heal with little scarring. His hair is going to take a long time to grow back, some of it might never grow. As for his nose, I'm not sure what it will look like until it heals."  
  
Westphalen sat back in her chair and wiped her forehead. She had been to the teenagers' room only an hour ago, the stench of blood was what she had first encountered. The air was thick with the coppery smell and she had guessed, even before her eyes adjusted, that the room would be covered in blood. The light switch was on the wall to her right and she flipped it on. The glass had been lying in pieces all over the floor; blood was pooled in spots on the ground. Most had already congealed into an almost black mass. She remembered seeing blond hair strewn about in handfuls.  
  
"Doctor?"  
  
She shook out of her memories and back to Bridger who was staring at her in confusion.  
  
"Are you alright? He stood, as if he were going to leave, "What's wrong?"  
  
"His room. It looked more like a-a murder scene than a place where someone would hurt himself or herself. If Lucas was trying to take is own life; it wouldn't be so painful for him to endure. Most suicides are done quickly, guns, hanging, pills. This took him hours to do. Like he was torturing himself."  
  
She stood as well and looked to Nathan, he still looked confused and more than a bit worried.  
  
"What do you mean Doctor?"  
  
"What if it's not Lucas doing these things? What if. What if it's something else?"  
  
"You mean one of the crew?" Bridger furrowed his brow  
  
"No, maybe I'm not explaining right. I mean, split personalities? What if one of them is trying to kill the other?"  
  
"Like Doctor Jekell and Mister Hide?"  
  
Kristen nodded, "In a way. You see, the body is designed to only house one person, one owner who controls it's every movement. With split personalities, it's like having two people in the same body. They would have completely different personalities. Sometimes, these personalities conflict in tremendous ways."  
  
"You think Lucas-not Lucas, but another personality that is Lucas is trying to get rid of the other?"  
  
Westphalen nodded, "And the only way this can happen is for the personality to die."  
  
"But if one kills the other, he'll only be killing himself. They are both, after all, are Lucas."  
  
"Exactly." 


End file.
